Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Lance on Oprah

 "Yes Oprah I did, in fact, take PEDs during my entire professional career. It is how I won 7 Tour de France titles and built up an empire of loyal fans. Not only that I was able to use some slight of hand by creating both and You see, one Livestrong goes to Cancer support, the other goes to lining my pockets and give me much-needed access to private jets and my vacation home in Hawaii. I bullied, trashed people's reputations, and had them blackballed so they could not pursue a career in cycling in order to keep the lies intact. I have the ultimate set of lawyers to get my sue-on! The fact that I lied under oath, through the media, doesn't matter because during this interview I'll get teary-eyed, talk about my cancer supporters, how I disappointed them, how the cause is what matters, how cancer is evil (this will likely be the only truth!), and how I just want to move on with my life (translation = get a reduced ban so I can compete at Ironman. My doping in triathlon is a non-issue cause I have passed the tests! Hahaha that's funny Lance!). Finally, Oprah, I would like to spin this by saying sorry (won't clarify what I'm sorry for or to who - I'm really just sorry for getting caught) and talk at length about my family, my desire to spend time with my kids, and support the cause. Oprah, thank you for taking time to meet with me and jumpstart your ratings on your failing network. You always look after the little things like the bendy straw in my water - top notch! Enough talk - let's go for a ride! My doctors are waiting in the next room to hook us up!"
Love the Lance on Oprah Bingo!
See ya Lance - have a good one!


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